My job at the moment consists of estimating how much it would cost to digitise back issues of academic journals. This requires me to scan through a random issue of each journal and count things like graphics, tables, text, etc. On an average day, I get through about 15. So, here is a list of 100% real titles of articles I have found during the course of my work:
- Fatal methanol poisoning following home distillation of methylated spirits
In other words, killing yourself with your own moonshine!
- Activities in the Danish Year of the Brain 1997
When is the Danish Year of the Pinky Finger?
- Augmenting Effect of a Nonmutagenic Fraction in Soy Sauce on Mutagenicity of 3-Diazotyramine Produced in the Nitrite-treated Sauce
Umm, you're doing what with soy sauce??
- Fat Grafting: My Technique
Upchucking: My Technique
- Clinical and experimental uses of umbilical cord blood
Upchucking: My Technique: Part Two
- Road-kill on the information highway: repetitive strain injury in
the academy
Tee hee, I just thought this one was clever...
- Molecular analysis of the T-cell receptor ß-chain repertoire in
early rheumatoid arthritis: heterogeneous TCRBV gene usage with
shared amino acid profiles in CDR3 regions of T lymphocytes in
multiple synovial tissue needle biopsies from the same joint
Say what? And that's just the TITLE of the article! Imagine the content!
- Trauma Risks and Prevention Strategies for Snowboarders
Man, who writes about this in an academic journal?? I could already tell you what belongs there! "Don't twist your ankle, avoid running into that tree, etc."
- Ohio APNs: Lead Poisoning Knowledge and Practices
Ok, so that's 'lead' as in element 82, but the first time I read it I thought it was 'lead' as in 'the foremost' in poisoning knowledge and practices!
And finally, my favourite of them all, and the one that made me start this whole list in the first place:
- Management of Anorectal Foreign Bodies: A Cause of Obscure Anal Pain
This was a serious academic article in a surgery journal, complete with x-rays of people who shoved things up their ass that really didn't belong there. It also had tables to indicate methods of extraction (from lots of lube all the way to surgical removal!) as well as how many patients were 'known, practicing homosexuals' - isn't science fun!
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2 comments:
A parent always hopes their kid will learn not to put inappropriate items in any body orfice. It is amazing how those lessons can be re-inforced through the oddest of circumstances. :):):)
I think you better start writing a book. I laughed out loud at this item.
Keep collecting them, Chris. What a laugh!
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