More article titles

While I continue to delay my 'big announcement' (no, I'm not pregnant) here are some more amusing academic journal article titles I've come across since the last batch:

- The Effects of Altitude on Fruit Quality and Compression Load for Cracking of Walnuts
I'm sorry, but is it really necessary to write a whole article on this subject?

-Clinical and pathological findings of acute zinc intoxication in a puppy
Ok, this is probably something fairly horrific, but the thought of an intoxicated puppy made me giggle.

- The Future Won't Look Like the Present (by Stephen Hawking)
Oh really?? No shit Steve...I guess you don't need to come up with creative titles when you're a genius.

- Sphincter of oddi dysfunction: role of sphincterotomy
You didn't wanna see the pictures for this one...TRUST ME!

- Invading Iraq: The Road to Perpetual War
This one isn't so much funny as it is prophetic -- it was published in Dec. 2002...

- One Cow, One Vote?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't believe that Bovine Democracy is the way forward. Besides, what would that make the opposition party?

- Blackjack in Holland Casino's: basic, optimal and winning strategies
This was another serious article! I read the whole thing, but it was extremely complex with tons of formulas I didn't understand! I guess the rules to Blackjack in the Netherlands are a bit different, and if you learn to count cards, you can get better odds than the house. Really, I was expecting it to say something along the lines of "stand on 17. double down on 11."

Finally, these last two were less titillating (pun intended) than I was hoping for:

- The Breast Journal
No joke, an academic journal published out of the States. Unfortunately all the pictures are just of cells and genetic odds and boring stuff like that.

- Cleavage Formation in Norway: The Contextual Dimension
This one had me really excited because, let's be honest, who doesn't enjoy some Norwegian cleavage?! Then I remembered it was a geological journal. Dammit!